Rating: 2.0

Country: Colombia

Release Date: 2006

Record Label: Dan's Crypt Records

Track list:
1. Electrotherapy
2. Deformed Creatures Pavilion
3. Skinned A Crazy Fat
4. Crushed Prophecy
5. Psychiatrist's Depraved Games [mp3]
6. Nurse In Cannibals Orgy
7. Dancing With My Son's Corpse
8. Interns With Broken Pussy
9. Apocalyptic Crucifixion


Band Website: Carnivore Diprosopus

Carnivore Diprosopus - Madhouse's Macabre Acts

Oscar Macias - Vocals
Daniel Paz - Guitar
Santiago - Bass
Diego Hoyos - Drums
Sander Bermúdez - Drums

As soon as I was made aware of their status as an Ultra Brutal Death Metal band from Colombia, I instinctively ran and leaped headlong to the side of my speakers to avoid getting ruthlessly run over by their hyperspeed brutal music. Instead, cowering from behind the dustbin, I became witness to the glorious procession of the ‘Chuggernaut' originating from my speakers, its entranced brutal devotees moshing zestfully to it, swinging their hands rhythmically over their bald, monkey-capped heads. Like a true Indian, it didn't take long for me to partake in any kind of open celebration, and so in spite of my exalted social death metal status, I ran again, this time towards it, and dived right into the Carnivore Diprosopus procession, taking down at least seven of them with me.

Even for a brutal death metal fan like me who did briefly make mosh-merry, Carnivore Diprosopus' 39 minute long procession feels like five lifetimes gone by, especially when all they are doing is chugging. I don't mean to detract from Carnivore Diprosopus being certified chug-specialists – they chug pompously, they chug with style, chug slowly as though trying to create an inexplicable poignant moment and chug faster than you can shake your blingin' hands to it. But as per the inexorable law of life, there is only so much chugging a standard fan can take before he is driven to commit suicide, and there are only so many times he can commit suicide before he is punished by God by keeping him alive for the rest of the album duration in his sixth rebirth.

The music on Madhouse's Macabre Acts is a compatible groovy mix of the TXDM bands, Devourment and Sintury, and the NYDM slam glam bands such as Skinless, Soils of Fate, Vomit Remnants. It also bears similarities to Sepsism's To Prevail In Disgust album with its heavy clangorous sound like that of two shot put balls banging into each other during the chugging parts, and them racing each other down an iron pipe during the faster ones. Occasionally and to a good effect, through their barbaric behaviour Carnivore Diprosopus let their Colombian nationality become apparent but quickly revert to american mediocrity before any dignified cunts could reprimand them. I wish there was more that could be said about their music. Well, if it adds a new dimension to your wholesome chugging experience, there are a couple of intros from the movie Saw. One classical intro made me nostalgic for Blood and a sweet piano outro left me lingering with wistful memories of Oppressor. The songs, however, unanimously made my longing for those bands incredibly desperate and as a result I almost had a terrible fit and died.

There is hardly anything like a song structure, build-up or momentum here, because Carnivore Diprosopus feel they don't need to do all that. That lame shit is for the bands who don't know how to chug properly. Same goes for playing riffs. Who cares for that kinda stuff today anyway? A couple of times they mock you by starting off in a promising manner i.e. in a way other than by chugging, and you fall for it by throwing up your hands in supplication, but it is only a matter of seconds before they get to their incorrigible chugging ways and you realise your folly. It was like expecting a pig's tail to straighten itself out. Get this straight: chugs are all you are going to get on the Carnivore Diprosopus menu for all the meals. Consider yourself lucky that you get served a fair amount of pinch harmonics along with them, ostensibly to spice things up.

Sickeningly overloaded with chugs, Madhouse's Macabre Acts is an interminable aural emetic that will make you experience nausea, retch uncontrollably, and eventually puke your innards out. By the end of it, the mere mention of the word ‘chug' will make you repeat the entire process instantaneously. You are bound to get ‘sick' of it. Carnivore Diprosopus is strictly for the luminous fans of those out and out chug/slam bands for whom anything besides a chug/slam would simply be unacceptable; it would then become way too filler or way too technical, which could be insulting to a mentally handicapped person.

June 7th, 2007