FlatV5 / Faeces Eruption - Split CD

George FlatV5 Proczaag - All Instruments and Voxes

FlatV5 kick off this terribly exciting contest between Czech and Dutch goregrind. Representing the former are FlatV5, apparently a new band who for the love of grind and pussy refuse to be influenced by nu-metal. The very immensity of this fact in these godforsaken times should make you dizzy and go scrambling for their music as soon as you recover, but there are other reasons strong enough for you to let go of a limb or three in the process and not cry over it later.

Playing a highly energetic and volatile form of grind, FlatV5 sounds like a cross between XXX Maniak and early Negligent Collateral Collapse for the most part, with a host of other elements mainly of Czech origin. Their songs are short, fast and painful, like sharp Kung fu jabs to your chest you can do nothing about; you barely have the time to react, let alone retaliate. You are struck 20 times in approximately 15 minutes in this unfair manner, at the end of which a hardened grinder should be able to muster a smile on his stupefied face without the application of a crowbar.

Remarkably for a frenetic one-man drum machine band, FlatV5's music on this split is as ever changing and unpredictable like the colour of your poop. Time and again an unexpected, fresh and revitalised short song springs up to prevent your complacency from taking over. Blindingly fast bursts akin to Agoraphobic Nosebleed or even Alienation Mental tend to give way to the hefty grooves of Gronibard and quaint hooks of N.C.C., which when accompanied by the enthusiastic croaking and squealing of the latter, make it very difficult for you not to toss about your room like a shiny coin. Often you find the songs settling in a semi-fast blasting rhythm similar to Ingrowing, and at other times their condensed grinding fury is reminiscent of Utopia on their split with Ahumado Granujo. Recorded in two sessions (once nude in summer and the other time in winter) there is nothing to complain about the possible difference in the sound quality, though the second time around the music is heavier due to the presence of a slight but delectable Dead Infection influence. Interestingly FlatV5‘s song titles are just a string of numbers, and in order to make this review more insightful than usual for our beloved readers, I put my sanity on the line and made a valiant attempt to crack their number sequence but ended up cracking a valuable cd case instead.

Given the rate at which the Czech bands are dashing out of their closets to play nu-grind, FlatV5 can surely be considered as one of the new honourable saviours of the Czech goregrind scene alongside Eardelete, Jig-Ai and Destructive Explosion of Anal Garland. Definitely a band to watch out for, FlatV5 seem to have balls large enough to bounce on and take with them their scene to the elevated, untarnished status it once enjoyed.

Geert - Drums//Bassguitars//Guitars//Vocals

Apparently influenced by a diarrhoeic bum, Faeces Eruption is a one-man Dutch goregrind band that shockingly has nothing to do with Rogier or his dog's pooping methods. As a matter of fact, Geert is an entirely different Dutch genius with a litter of his own, and Faeces Eruption is arguably the most popular one from it. Their music projects out of your speakers like two shit-smeared walls of noise that clap against each other, and caught in the middle of which, you fall to the ground like a dirty stunned fly.

From the word go, the music lunges out towards you and bears down on you insistently like a ticked off wife for the next 15 odd minutes, with the exact number of horrific and deafening songs compressed within that time frame. Musically, Faeces Eruption is the same as Last Days of Humanity's Putrefaction In Progress – when heard with your head inside a bucket of water. The skull-splintering snare drum sound is then mercifully dulled, the songs have a warm gory quality to them, and there exists an imperceptible element of groove in them. On closer observation, their impermeable wall of noise appears to have light splotches of Utopie's Instinct For Existence on it. The vocals are eeriest ones you will ever hear; with their kind of music, they sound as if the walls have become animate after years of overhearing our bullshit. Such vocals can only come from a living person who has his neck twisted 180 degrees backward. The closest parallel to it would be the extraterrestrial backing vocals of Yattering.

Halfway through their material Faeces Eruption‘s music undergoes a minor change: the sound becomes a wee bit clearer and now you can actually hear but not count the hyperspeed drum machine beats. Their usually sprinting songs occasionally cruise along for a change and raunchy grooves are more frequently heard in them, both C.U.M. characteristics. Gradually Faeces Eruption‘s blasting goregrind music metamorphoses into cybergrind. Particularly towards the end, the songs begin to resemble Carnival of Carnage what with their metallic-sounding and typically programmed beats, and that's not very surprising, as you will also find a cover of their blip of a song.

Faeces Eruption is another awe-inspiring Dutch goregrind band offering a debilitating experience to their listeners. They seem to be the perfect candidate to fill the royal shoes of the now defunct Last Days of Humanity and kick the turd-caked ass of anyone who gets in their way.

A combined rating for this impressive split because the recorded material of both FlatV5 and Faeces Eruption is top notch and their music is equally good in their own way. In this fierce and shit-flinging battle between Czech and Dutch goregrind, it should be glaringly clear as to who emerges the winner – you, for once.

October 12th, 2007