Release Date: 2006 Record Label: No Escape Records Track list:
|
Maggots/Meatyard - Split
|
Meatyard are: |
Maggots are: Laury Maggot - Bass |
This was a disc that I bought blindly. In other words, morons, I didn't listen to some lousy MP-3 before buying the CD. Nope, I just put my trust in the No Escape Records monster and ordered this vile double dose up knowing that a label capable of slapping my spleen with such mincing acts as Embalming Theatre, Bile, Putrescence and Maniac Killer among others just couldn't be wrong about a 2-way split featuring bands called Meatyard and Maggots. Now, if it sounds like I am tonguing the ball sack of the No Escape boys then you are definitely wrong. See, no one label is ever going to be perfect, just ask Unique Leader or Razorback Records, but where No Escape is concerned they are currently stocked with some of the better ear burning repugnance on the market today.
Keeping on the air of being super cool, super Metal, and super elitist with Metal knowledge is hard work, which is why I did not admit to Kunal that I had never heard Meatyard or Maggots. Actually, the reason I never told Kunal is cause he is a ruthless Genghis Khan of a webmaster who would have had me write the damned review even if all I had knowledge of was jizz bubbles in my goatee from pumping my dick while looking at cheesy Annihilator album cover girls. Still, I could give a fuck about being a walking Metal Encyclopedia (I leave that arduous task to fan-boys who bathe in the runny feces of their supposed Metal gods). This is why I will be introducing you ugly readers to both bands from my usual retched perspective.
Like such great bands as Pink Floyd, Mr.Big and Abba, Meatyard got their start when “Nathan Ballard drunkenly staggered up to Chris Rigby and asked, “Do you want to get a band going?” Phone numbers were exchanged with the inchoate nucleus of the band forming. Soon Dan Wilkinson came in to play drums and from 1999 through 2000 Meatyard played an ass load of gigs. In 2002 they put out the EP ‘Gutfuck' and that was followed in 2006 by the Split with Maggots that I currently have sheering my ears.
Meatyard sound like a low end reverberant wave of warm deep fryer grease filled with blackened French fry debris. They ooze with the sluggish and quick grimy repugnance of Bile and Hymen Holocaust while busting in groove chugging and Goregrind hyper blasting. The vocals are hideously raunchy gurgles as if Nathan Nunbutcher had his head shoved into a freshly slaughtered cows stomach along with the microphone, had it sown up, and began singing. The bass is stumpier than a U.S.A Marine after a land mine making me wonder if the strings even vibrate. The drums are rapid and thickly hairy providing a backbone of displeasure similar to running your balls over a cheese grater held by the boys from Inhume. Meanwhile the guitars are a loathsome thundering riffing beast. Chunky ostinato layers provide an air of homicidal vehemence to the music that is enhanced by muddy production. In this sense Meatyard reminds me of Catasexual Urge Motivation in terms of harmony and an overall vibe. Hearing Meatyard makes me want to drag human trash featured at the Jerry Springer Show out to a dumpster inhabited ally for a bullet catching session from a .44 magnum.
The thing about Meatyard is that you ain't gonna get anything fancy. You ain't gonna get Gorod technicality. You ain't gonna get anything new musically. BUT you will get grisly Goregrind fun. Shit, I even sent this disc to the Pope and he wrote me a letter telling me that he loved the Split, found himself jacking off uncontrollably, sodomizing nun's, and spitting on the crucifix of that pussy Jesus. In that regard I for once agree with His Lowliness and I hope Meatyard won't make me wait another 4 years to hear a full length album. For their half of the split Meatyard gets a robust 7.3 and I will do a separate rating for Maggots then average it out for an overall rating. You uneducated idiots can either get out your fucking calculator or trust that my math is going to be on target.
The other half of the split is Maggots. These degenerates got together in late 1998. From 1998 to 2006 they have released several demos, a full length CD called ‘Zombies From Tha Hood', a Split with Evokers, a Split with Funerot, and now a Split with Meatyard. Maggots hails from the Netherlands where the drugs are plentiful and the hookers offer a tempestuous contrast to the swarthy cobblestone streets and gothic architecture found along The Rossebuur.
Maggots are a Grindcore band with a light hardcore sound that is not obnoxious. The first thing that I notice when I hear Maggots is the rotund bass that reminds me of a louder version of something from Haemorrhage off of ‘Emetic Cult'. Strangely the song “Mangled Maggot” begins with some riffing that reminds me of “Radar Love” by Golden Earring. Where the vocals are concerned, Maggots strike a Total Fucking Destruction chord mixed with Resistant Culture and Squash Bowels. The production comes across as a jumble between Sanity's Dawn sprinkled with Gronibard. Laury Maggot' bass is furiously subjacent with a D.R.I growl intermingled with an Entombed reverb. The guitars of Baby Maggot are fun catchy stabs at your guts that infectiously sludge with the vomitus curves of Blood Duster mixed with Cliteater.
As a whole Maggots make me want to get some necrophilia fun with my neighbor's freshly dead grandma. As a matter of fact, right after I get done with this review I am going to head down to the local graveyard and dig her saggy corpse up. Then I will crank up the track “The Graveyard Grind” and stuff my puss infused rod in her maggot infested throat. Later I will corn-hole the cunt then take the body back to my pad for future love making sessions. If the boys from Maggots want to poke grandma they can swing over to Guam anytime cause she'll be on ice waiting for their reviling love.
For their end of the split Maggots get a 7.2 due to their mind numbing gore & grind featuring a Nasum undercurrent. Buy this disc, ASSHOLES!!!! Oh yeah, when you average the Meatyard number with the Maggots total you get 7.25 so I am gonna round that number up to 7.3 cause both bands on this split are too fucking good.
July 30th, 2006
